Life is spent standing still.

I don't know how to help DH to have more energy. He has no interest in anything but sleeping any more. And it holds all kinds of possibilities in what the root of that may be. It could be the diabetes, eating away at his body causing a rapid deterioration and aging. Allowing him to feel older then what he really is.

It could be his anti-depressant medications inter-mingled with the other meds. Making him feel run down, tired and simply blah. Or the depression itself. Being laid off this past week sure doesn't help that situation either. His feeling of effectiveness or purpose lies in question and that could cause overwhelming feelings of depression and stress.

It could be his work, even though he is laid off, he does have jobs that he goes to during the day. But, he won't see reliable income from them until the job is finished. Now our budget changes to a irregular income rather then a reliable one - every two weeks.

I don't know how to help him. I work as much as I can (40hr a wk) then home with the kids and take care of the house. I get the base salary and then commission. But if no one is calling in then I have to get pro-active and do call outs. It's on me now. The household counts on me know to bring in the larger reliable source of income. I must do all I can to bring in more money to make sure the bills are caught up. Cancel on the non-essential things that are sucking up our income. Bare bones budget.

DH and I have changed so much since getting married almost two years ago. We aren't the same people any more. I don't know what happened but I don't like it. I miss how much fun it use to be. But I know it can't be all fun all the time. I just want to enjoy his company even when it is just us. Relaxing.