Same tune new verse....

I called DH today around 3pm thinking that he probably needed to check his glucose levels. Rang and rang, no answer. I called again about thirty minutes later, still no answer. Hum...I called a third time and let it ring through to voice mail....left a message still no answer.

After yesterday's incident of his sugar low, I kept calling every thirty minutes. If he is under a house, maybe he doesn't have reception. If he is at a supply house, then he wouldn't have reception either. I left to get the kids around 4:30pm. I called on the way, still no answer. I told myself I won't be concerned until I get home. If his truck is there I will be relieved, if not...then I will get concerned.

I didn't know where he was. I didn't know for certain where the house was that he was working on. I didn't have his contractors name or number. I was completely in the dark. If I find him alive we will remedy me being in the dark IMMEDIATELY.

I attempted to stay as calm as possible when I got the kids. We got home, no truck. Ok, now I was concerned. I remember there were some blue prints on the kitchen table. Maybe, just maybe they would have the address of the house on it. I found it and they did.

I called Metro non-emergency line and told them the situation. I figured they would make it to him before I ever would. I was right. I told the kids to pack up their home work, we were making the thirty minute drive into town to find him. I mapped out the address and got us on our way.

There he was, Metro police man by him. He had come to. His sugar had dropped to 43. I had called him around 12:30 that afternoon. DH said his sugar was around 400+ at 10:45am. He had taken insulin in the hopes of bringing it down. At lunch, he had headed to the truck. He sat down in the seat, and there his sugar proceeded to drop slowly. He never knew what hit him. He slumped over groggy and disoriented. He never touched his lunch. His mind was just a fog.

Others on the construction site stopped to check on him and all he told him was "I'm tired"....None of them knew about his disease.

Lower his sugar dropped. All the while I am calling. He said he heard it but his mind couldn't command his fingers to mash the buttons to answer his phone.

I got him home finally. He's sleeping now on the couch as I am capturing my thoughts and feelings in print.

He hates how he feels. He says it isn't him. This isn't what he wants to be or how God purposed him to be. This is his body. His thorn to deal with through life. He truly hates it and what it is doing to us.

I tell him how alone I feel. I tell him that what and how I feel is a symptom of actions the diabetes forces him to be. I don't to him because of his sugar highs because they make him grumpy and I don't what to aggravate him. I don't act intimate around him because I don't want to frustrate him because he doesn't feel "feisty".

I am an island just like I use to be with EX-hubby. But the reason was different. EX-hub was gay and chose that lifestyle. He was uninterested because he would be uninterested in any woman. DH is uninterested because either his meds or the diabetes or work or stress, or the moon alignment make him feel that way.

There is always something. I just want a man who will want me for me. Will romance me and be intimate with me. The way DH did before "the crap" hit the fan.